Saturday was not my best day ever.

Let’s just start from the beginning.

Saturday, I took the kids with me to do a bit of back-to-school shopping. Both teens needed shoes, socks, undies, and various other items. I also needed to get some beer for the party I was attending later in the day.

We pile up in the car, get to DSW, and Dude begins to get very agitated. Lately Dude is always agitated, anxious or just plain rude. Some of it is his autism. Some of it is being 13. All of it is unsettling and stressful.

So, in the DSW, I sent daughter to pick out her own shoes, and took Dude to the men’s section. Dude can’t tie his shoes, so, as he see’s all the shoes with laces he begins to stress out. He starts stemming — hand flapping, pacing, saying “No shoes with laces!’

I show him that we’re here to get velcro shoes or slip ons (like Vans) and he settles a bit. We find some shoes, so does sissy and I sent them out to the car to wait and I pay. We ride over to the store, I go in and get a case of beer but it took much longer than I thought.

The kids elected to stay in the car, and on the way to the store, I’d bought McDonalds so Dude should have been happy. But when I get in the car, his sister was crying. Dude had hurt her.

She said she’d been trying to get him to stop whining and she put her hand on his leg to get his attention. He grabbed her wrist and twisted her arm.

The skin is not bruised, there are no broken bones. Just hurt feelings. But I got really mad when I found out. You see, Dude can’t lay his hands on anyone. He can’t think it’s okay or that’s a way to solve conflict. It’s just not acceptable. Ever. For many reasons.

When we got home, after yelling at him the whole way home, we got into a scuffle. Yes, a scuffle. He started to cry, I was sobbing, and hubby had to step in and calm things down.

How could I let this happen? So many things run through your mind when your special needs child hurts his sibling. It’s not right, it’s not appropriate. But you also think “If you hurt this person, and they resent you, who will take care of you when I am dead?”

After this settled, Dude went to his sister on his own and apologized. Really heartfelt apology. He knew he screwed up. He knew he’s done something really wrong. He held her hand and told her he was so sorry and hugged her.

When I was calm (read sobbing that I even touched my child in anger and how I was so ashamed to let my emotions get out of hand) I came to Dude and apologized. He and I hugged. He said he was sorry too. He cupped my face in his hands and ran his finger down the wet places on my face.

After things cleared and my husband convinced me I was not a bad mother, I got into the car to go to the party. And on the way I rear-ended someone at a stoplight. In front of a cop. Who saw the whole thing.

My brand new car. Jacked up. Oh, and I didn’t have any proof of insurance.

So, it was at this point that I decided I needed to come home and drink. Dude’s Dad had picked him up to stay for the night to give us both some space. I watched the Olympics and drank Margaritas. And made chocolate bread pudding.

Dude’s anxiety isn’t going to to go away anytime soon, and we’re working on it everyday. He can’t be continually rude. And I have to find a way to cope and love my boy.

Anyway, that was my Saturday. How was your’s?